Rant and Rave

Random rants and tirades.

  • Yoga People Can Be The Worst

    Hippy-dippy yoga people are supposed to be zen, accepting, and full of OM. Yeah right, whenever I start talking F*cking Yoga, you can see the zen just melt right out of them.   Yoga people can ruin it for everyone.   You would think a brand of yoga designed to draw more people into the yoga studio would be a good thing. Man, yoga people can be such a buzz kill. One of the offspring had his friends overnight and the breakfast table was full. Turns out, one of his gal pals is taking her yoga certification at the local community college. She recognized me from one of my yoga classes…

  • No One Ever Says You’re Fat: All Leggings Are NOT Created Equal

    Leggings should slip on without effort. The advantage of leggings is their comfort and second skin cozy. Wearing leggings should not feel like you just walked out of the sausage factory. This is why women prefer them over jeans. If we wanted them to feel like a sausage casing, we would wear tights. I haven’t worn fucking pantyhose in twenty-five years.   My issues with leggings are many. I’m 5’5″ right at the national average. To say I’m 5’5″ means very little in the world of women’s sizing. I’m short waisted (fellas, it means my rib to hip length is short). By contrast, I have a 32″ inseam that means…

  • No One Ever Says You’re Getting Fat: Part Two

    Imagine Valentine’s weekend 2014. Like all Februarys in Colorado, the temperature was up and down. Rain one day, snow the next. I don’t typically mind it because it’s a short month and the onset of March means no more below freezing temperatures. I really hate winter.   Six-thirty in the morning before I teach yoga and I’m doing some tidying. Clean the kitchen, run the dishwasher, and take out the rubbish. One wrong step off the front porch and I ended up tits over ass in the driveway. The ankle was shattered.  

  • No One Ever Says You’re Getting Fat: Part One

      Okay, my mother would say you’re getting fat, but most polite society won’t. And with good fucking reason. It’s none of their goddamn business. Maybe you have a thyroid condition or a metabolic disorder. Or perhaps, you are tired of dealing with all of the calorie counting bullshit and said fuck it.     The problem for me is if no one says you’re getting fat, I don’t notice. Until I see a picture of myself. You fucking know it.

  • Yoga for Everybody Is Bullshit.

    You know it. Someone has told you, “You HAVE to try yoga! It’s GOOD for you!” Fuck that noise. Yoga for everybody is bullshit. Don’t get me wrong. I love yoga. I hope so; I’ve been practicing it for over 30 years. I don’t love this sing-songy, oozing bullshit I hear when someone is talking about yoga. Yes, I eavesdrop. I’m a writer, of course, I am. This crap is everywhere. The top ten reasons you should try yoga. Yoga will change your life. Seven reasons you shouldn’t try yoga. Snort, like that, isn’t a shady bullshit move. Every single one of these articles tout the same malarkey if not…