The Struggle Is Real

Most of us haven’t been more than inconvenienced by the pandemic and quarantine. After I mostly recovered from the COVID, I didn’t have any problems being told to stay home.

I was able to move my yoga company online. We released The F*cking  Yoga BooK: Yoga for The Rest of Us with only a couple of glitches. The Beard and I managed not to purchase a single roll of toilet paper for the initial shutdown length. 

Sure, despite cutting my rates to pennies a class, a large portion of my face-to-face clients aren’t subscribing to my Patreon channel. (I miss you!) It’s not easy carving out time and space to workout at home. No matter how affordable.

I miss a few things from the Beforetimes: 

• Sushi nights. 
• Hosting my regular soirees. 
• The occasional pedicure. 
• My emcee gigs.

For the most part, the home tribe has been fortunate. That doesn’t negate the fact that I’m fucking depressed. I don’t think I’m alone in experiencing this Covera malaise.

Yes, part of it is I’m still experiencing long-haul symptoms as a result of the COVID. Yes, I can’t find a vaccine appointment. Book sales, yoga supporters, and my general feeling of being a mediocre hack have engulfed my spirit in a gooey, oozing black sludge. 

Much to The Beard’s chagrin, I’m always on the verge of tears or murder. 

Wine or no wine. It doesn’t matter. I’m struggling. I have my health. I am so glad to have my farm tribe. And things are generally—manageable day to day. 

Starting a new business takes a year or two actually to show progress. Whenever I introduced a new fitness class at the gym, I knew it would take over a year to get any regular interest. And that was in the Beforetimes!

I’m trying to find little joy in my routine. It’s a battle to keep the bullshit from dragging me further into the ooze. Acknowledging our dispiritedness is important. And while I know so many other folks have actual crises and predicament, I feel amazing every time we do yoga. 

Not only because of the yoga. Yes, it is that good, but also because I know some of you are out there with me. 

So thank you for being one of my reasons the day sucks a little less.